508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
