there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
