ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
