Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
