Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
