i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
