He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
