Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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