Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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