I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
