i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Let's paint friendship bongs
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
