fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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