thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
