There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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