She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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