bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
