did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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