i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
