Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
