My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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