she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
being pregnant is like rehab
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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