i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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