Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Randomize
