And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
