i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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