I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Be still, my beating vagina.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize