Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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