the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
