Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
