Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
