So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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