If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
