i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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