are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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