I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
