I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
