My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
be right there i have to get my cape
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
