just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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