yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
