Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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