Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
