hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
