Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
