Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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