I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize