Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
