He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
