I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
