just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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