No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
