I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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