can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
