I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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