im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
