brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize