I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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