all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
