There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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