I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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