ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
