i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
im having a threesome with these popsicles
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
