Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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