I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
