what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
