one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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