is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When are your genitals available?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
