who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize